Saturday, December 7, 2013

are you listening?

Today I had some time to wander around midtown Manhattan with a few million friends.  I do not like crowds and usually would just push my way through and try to get away from people but today, I had a mission for the blog.  Forget people watching, everyone was so close by, I could just go right in for people listening.  (Your welcome)  Wow, it is really easy to eavesdrop on 5th Avenue.  I heard so many gems that I had to stop and text myself so I could remember them all.
"There's the plaza hotel (true).  You know it looks like the capital building?" (????)
Looking at Cardier building "I bet this looks cool at night."  (correct)
Pregnant woman sitting on the ground next to her standing family.  "Do I look like a homeless person because someone just offered me a dollar?"  (Well, then the answer is yes, you do-PS please wash those pants).
While a thousand people crossed when we weren't supposed to (you can't prove I was one of them) "It's ok to cross because that bus is blocking the interesection." Car:  HONK!!!!  OK, I agree but thanks for rationalizing it. By the way, the whole way people cross the street here took me years to unlearn.  When I j-walked in Washington DC I got yelled at by a cop and when I do it in Florida, people tell me stories about people being killed j-walking.  I haven't completely unlearned it because I got told this last month.
Some random person "Are you STILL complaining?" haha, having a nice vacation?
"Next time I come here, we come at 6:30 in the morning!"  I hope others will follow her lead so that there will be less people there at midday.
"Aint nobody got time for that....oooh bling!!!!"  Human equivalent of the Up dog and "squirrel!"  I have no idea why she was saying that first part though but I would really like to know.
On the crowded 6 train:  Two guys talking about how many people there are here and in China.  "You know it is like this all the time in China.  They got millions of people there.  They all gotta walk like this (picture waddling like a penguin, while standing in place on a subway). Shit!"  hahaha, I just had to laugh out loud for that one, even if it is against the rules to look like you are looking or listening to anybody, once you bring in penguin waddling, it's fair game.
By the way, even though I wrote about people watching and people listening, please do not expect any of the rest of the 5 senses.  I try very hard not to smell, touch or taste strangers, even for the blog!

Friday, December 6, 2013

Read this while looking like you are not reading this.

While in NY, my husband told me to people watch.  I think I am not only people watching, I am also watching other people, people watching.  I haven't lived in NY for a long time now so I have forgotten the fundamental rules of public transportation: don't make eye contact, don't talk to anyone and don't react to anything.  I guess I didn't forget the rules since I just wrote them but I am not really all that good at following them anymore.  I had to train myself when I moved to Florida to look directly at people and say "good morning".  Now I have returned to my roots of watching people but looking like I am not watching them... Or possibly I think I look inconspicuous but really look like a stalker.  Whatever, I don't live here so who cares.
Here's what has been observed.  Today while being alone on a subway car with one teenager, he glanced my way (rule breaker), I guess deciding I was harmless (am I? yes).  He then put his backpack down and started doing pull-ups from the middle bars on top of the train.  I wondered, would I do that if there were only one random person there to see?  Then I remembered I wouldn't do a pull-up if I was alone so of course I wouldn't.  I had been singing along with music before he got closer so la la la, I'd do that.
Yesterday I took the bus.  A man came on with a cat carrier and as soon as the bus started the cat started meowing.  This must have been a professional cat because it was clearly annunciating the word "MEOW."  Everytime the owner looked in the case the meows stopped and as soon as he lowered it again, "MEOW!!!"  I looked around.  No one said a word.  No one cracked even the smallest smile. No eye contact.  Do NOT acknowledge that someone just loudly meowed.  Meowing counts as communicating and is therefore breaking the rules of public transportation.  Shame on that cat!  Take his metrocard!  Eventually the guy sat down and put that cat on his lap and then no more meowing.  So I was amused by the cat but the that is fascinating.  Those are big time New Yorkers and law abiding citizens!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013



What are you looking at?
Squirrels are everywhere!  Run for your lives!  Actually, don't bother because if you scare them,  all they do is freeze as if we are dumb enough to think "hey that squirrel isn't moving, it must be a statue of a squirrel, guess I'll just keep on walking."  Well, listen squirrels, (as far as I know there are no squirrels reading this blog, if you are a squirrel, please leave a comment) you don't have to bother to freeze because I don't want anything from you anyway.  What do these squirrels think we are going to do to them? I don't want acorns.  I don't eat squirrels. Do they think I'm a dog and I am going to chase them?

 Anyone that is not a squirrel just looks the same to them?  I don't want to chase them. Not sure why these squirrels think they are so desirable.  I think squirrels are kind of arrogant. Don't you?

"I think I'm cooler than I really am and cooler than you."

I do, by the way, think they are cute, as long as I don't look at their creepy little hands.  Scary creepy hands.  I like the cute bushy-tailed ones in NY.  The ones in Florida have smaller tails.  For a while I thought there were sick squirrels all over Florida until I realized they must just be a different kind of squirrel. 

Speaking of Florida squirrels, I wonder every time we have a big storm where the squirrels and other animals go.  I do generally stay away from the windows during hurricanes (especially since two of them exploded during hurricane Wilma) but I have never seen any squirrels fly by during a storm.  I guess they go underground but where are these squirrel bunkers?  Do they have canned acorns in there?  and a tv?  Is this also safe for zombie apocolypse or nuclear war?  Maybe the next time I see a frozen squirrel pretending to be a statue I will ask him where his bunker is and if I can go there during the next storm.  Maybe I should start collecting acorns for payment.
"Get your own bunker! hmmph!!!"