Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Driver's Ed.

Here I am.  Going through papers in the former office, soon to be nursery and I came across this gem.  It is from spring 00'.  That was the first school year I moved to Florida.  Having no idea about geography and not having a job when I moved, I found myself in a position where I lived in Plantation but worked in Little Havana.  The drive was about 1,000 miles each way.  There was always traffic.  In traffic it was 2,000 miles.  Now you may think, "wait a minute, traffic doesn't increase the amount of miles, only the time."  Normally that is true but in this case, I am sorry to inform you, you are wrong.  This traffic was so bad it somehow increased the distance of the trip by 1,000 miles, each way.
This gave me a lot of time to sit in the car and think.  Also, it gave me a lot of time to contemplate the driving skills of the people around me.  Since the traffic was often the result of accidents, I wasn't a fan of bad drivers.  Actually, I am still not.  While driving one afternoon, I started making up this quiz for my fellow drivers:

On the long ride home, I decided that no one here can drive and tht they should let me revise the driving test as follows:

1. People who try to switch lanes while you are right next to them are:
a. Idiots
b. Assholes
c. Sufferers of Enlarged Blind Spot Disorder (EBSD)
d. Dumb asses
e. All of the above

2. People who aren't 18 or above should not drive because:
a. They can't pay for the damage they do
b. They are too short
c. They think Leonardo DeCapprio is cool
d. They are dumb asses
e. All of the above

3.  People above the age of 80 should not drive because:
a. They can't see (over the steering wheel or otherwise)
b. They can't hear
c. They complain to much about young drivers
d. They are dumb asses
e. All of the above

4.The first thing you should do when you get into your car in Florida is:
a. Pray
b. Make sure you are wearing clean underwear
c. Buckle your seatbelt and make sure your airbag is functional.
d. Check to make sure they are insured
e. All of the above

5.  People who drive too slow in the left lane:
a. Should be shot
b. Suck
c. Have no life (because they obviously have nowhere to go)
d. Are all dumb asses
e. All of the above

6.  Yellow or red sports cars should not be driven by:
a. People spending retirement money
b. People who were discussed in question 5
c. People who do not open doors carefully in parking lots
d. Dumb asses
e. All of the above

7.  People who cut off other drivers even though they have ample room in front of them:
a. Suck
b. Have no depth perception and therefore should not be driving
c. Probably don't know what the world ample means
d. Area all dumb asses
e. All of the above
8. People with out of state license plates driving in Florida:
a. Should go home
b. Should go home and take all the dumb asses with them
c. Are doomed to start driving like the other dumb asses
d. Are dumb asses for driving in Florida
e. All of the above

9.  People who get caught driving in the HOV lane of I95 from 4-6 PM are:
a. Idiots since the police pull people over in that lane every afternoon
b. Getting what they deserve
c. Kind enough to share their wealth with the Miami Dade County Police Department
d. Dumb asses
e. All of the above

10.  9 out of 10 Floridians think a turn signal is:
a. For leaving on all the time to annoy other drivers
b. Something not needed when driving
c. A cool blinky light that hey don't want to waste by turning it on
d. A tool for showing off what a dumb ass they are
e. What's that?????

In conclusion, I can now throw out this paper that has been in there for over a decade.  Also, I distinctly remember coming home and typing all of this which makes me realize, my memory is not what it used to be.  I wonder if I have become....a dumb ass???

1 comment:

  1. Firstly, I want to thank you for saving this piece of paper for such a long time, whether it was even intentional or not. I must say that you have made one of the best in-depth analysis of Florida drivers that I have ever come across. It is obvious that most times the answer is all of the above; however, I did find the EBSD suffering may be a possible correct answer to the first one. Moreover, I was unaware that EBSD even existed until you pointed it out, and now it all makes perfect sense. Again, thank you, I feel less perplexed, now!